North American Scum

As we move past our unobstructed view of the gentle, supple curve of the earth, out of Cambodia and race towards the impossibly enormous towering body of clouds, which to my untrained eye look like they may contain rain, turbulence, and (for some) considerable anxiety (solid good times/GTs for others), I am struck by a couple of very clear thoughts -

1. I am a very lucky individual. No amount of self-justification about hard work and effort changes the fact that being born a white North American is basically winning the race lottery. There's a reason people call them #firstworldproblems, they really aren't problems. Even if you are near or at the bottom rung of society, there are innumerable social programs that can put you back on your feet, or at least lend you a helping hand of sorts. Having the option to hop on a plane to Asia, and then on numerous flights around the continent is something that an enormous percentage of the general populace will never have (here comes some of that turbulence. It's probably going to be a pretty good time), and losing focus on that is a real dick move. And considering how critical I can tend to be about dick moves and the dicks that pull them, it would be a real hypocrisy if I didn't recognize this. The second thought that keeps skipping (like a scratched cd, not a schoolgirl) through my mind as we fly through this (so far) giant, benevolent, white fluffy mass is:

2. Murder is objectively bad, it's 100%, all the time, a morally objectionable thing to do. Killing a old person is bad and it's universally agreed upon that killing a child is worse (obviously), but it's probably a good thing that even though I'm fully aware of the frowned upon nature of offing a kid, there are rules against infanticide¹. I say so because this fat weiner kid behind me, who is relentlessly kicking my seat in between his high-pitched shrieks of wonder with air travel (which is definitely something I can empathize with, as flying is incredible)/discontent about not his father not bending to his every whim (which he does eventually anyway) is doing his best to make the least of my flight experience. I know bitching about something like an inconvenience during air travel (which is basically a magic trick. Thanks Wright bros, you fellas were onto something) kind of flies in the face of what I wrote just above this, but it's really a culmination of being frustrated by North American tourists in general.

This kid is not North American. In fact I have no idea what ethnicity his father is, but he's definitely European of some variety. His mother is either Thai or Cambodian. This is a pretty common occurrence in SouthEastern Asia - white dude goes travelling, meets girl, gets girl pregnant, spoils the subsequent child, everyone gets fat and obnoxious. (There's a terrible odour permeating the cabin, and I assume that the child behind me may have just shit his paints. Figuratively I can only hope). North American/European/basically white people in Asia are unfortunately consistently abhorrent. My favorite quotes thus far include "Oy, u've got'a lovely f-ace," (drunk Brit. The "-" between f and ace are his belch. He was addressing some nice Khmer woman in the market), "I'm like gonna try to put these fans up in my room, but like we'll see. That bitch probably ripped me off, and they'll fall apart," (drunk American girl, pleased with herself for "getting a deal" (she didn't) and for belittling the woman who sold her the fans) and whatever the hell this dude and his shitty child have been on about since they got on this flight.

It's unreasonable to throw an entire color of people under the bus, I'm not trying to do that and I doubt anyone would perceive this rant in this fashion. It is however exceedingly frustrating to be inevitably lumped in with an enormous group of unlikeable and entitled travellers who bring about the urge in the locals to try and take advantage of them, due to the fact that the a large number of the locals have been jaded into thinking about foreigners as dollar signs.

I know that I've been guilty of some of the iniquities I've mentioned above, and anyone that has seen me at a party, maybe even shotgunning a beer for laughs and in some backward fashion to prove my masculinity, knows that sometimes like to play the party-hard fratboy/douchebag occasional, peppering my party conversation with rough-edged colloquialisms and the more than occasional f-bomb, but to not have that filter, and just view the world through "bro-shades" would be devastating, and utterly crushing to my hopes of eventually self-actualizing. I'm pretty sure "crushing it" at the gym, "killing it" with the ladies, and drowning in a bathtub of Jägerbombs and Heineken isn't part of Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

I guess that ultimately I could just do for my white guilt alarm to stop ringing so loudly, because even when I'm doing my best (I didn't really learn any of the languages, so I suppose I didn't exactly do my best) at being an informed and educated tourist, it's all too easy to look around and see a fellow honkie drunkenly hitting on some girl who's trying to sell him something, while at the same time trying to save 1$ on something that is already 1/4 (or less) the cost it would be in their homeland. Thailand, a place of great beauty and a haven for pro-bro behaviour.

¹ I don't actually want to kill this child. I just wish that he was a) not sitting behind me, or/and b) that he would sit and be quiet. Seriously, "inside voice" for this child is the average skip's yelling to their sweepers halfway down the ice. Papa is also very loud. And irritating. I wonder where the little bugger gets it from?

² It's really too bad that I can't find a clip of Rube from Dead Like Me saying "I'm gonna kill that fucking baby." He really communicates the frustration and the accompanying guilt that anyone goes through when they are exceedingly frustrated with a child in an airplane/airport. Apparently youtube isn't ripe with Dead Like Me clips. Ain't that a shame.